Lee Carsley today signed for relegated Birmingham City. He left Everton after 6 and a half seasons at the long ball club.

He won zero.

Carsley is a journeyman midfield enforcer who represents the ugly side to the English Premiership. His job at Everton was essentially to stop creative players like Cesc Fabregas from playing.

In a 16 year professional career, where Carsley made 398 appearances for average clubs like Derby Cunty, Cuntburn Rovers and Everton, the anti-creative Irishman scored only 31 goals. That equals less than 2 goals a season.

Defenders of the clogger Carsley will state that he actually scored a goal every 13 games but I don't look at it like that.

Carsley played in central midfield. A position that demands more than 31 goals in 16 seasons.

If you pay a central midfielder thousands of pounds, week after week, month after month, you expect a bigger return than 31 goals.

But the bald headed, thug looking Carsley was bought to stop the opposition. Not to score goals. He's the antithesis of flair.

On his debut for Everton, Carsley quickly warmed himself to the Everton fans by breaking the Arsenal defender Matthew Upson's leg after half an hour. Not to worry, justice was done as Arsenal won the match 1-0 through a fortunate Sylvain Wiltord goal.

Just like Everton's style of play, the match itself was horrible. Played in terrible weather conditions of rain and a blustery wind that helped cut up the pitch and destroy Arsenal's passing game.

These was conditions that were designed to favor industrious players like Carsley. It's strange to think now that Everton finished the game with flair players like Paul Gascoigne and David Ginola, while Arsenal had donkey's such as Igor Stepanovs, Oleg Luzhny and Giovanni van Wankhorst.

Carsley is not an Irishman. He was born in England but due to the realization that he was too crap to play for the country where he was born and raised, he opted to play for Ireland's "hit it long" team, using his Irish grandmother's nationality as a way of claiming that he was Irish. He earned 38 caps during the period 1997-2006 where Ireland only qualified for one major tournament.

It's hard to see a player like Carsley getting even one cap for a country like Spain or France.

I am glad to see the back of Lee Carsley. He is an example of why the Premiership is not the best league in the world. For the past few seasons, the central midfield of Everton has been controlled by Carsley and Phillip Neville (a left-back cum midfielder). Both have turned Everton into the Abu Ghraib of football. Watching them has been torture.

I'm sick of the Lee Carsley's and Phillip Neville's of this world. Until the Premier League gets rid of them it can never say that it is the best league in the world.

Until Everton start to become more creative, they will continue to win nothing and continue to fail in Europe.

But Everton and Carsley belong together - in the Championship that is because I'm sick of teams and players like them that make watching football an ordeal rather than a pleasure.

Fuck them. Conts.

El Cunto